拒绝别人也是一门艺术

　　有多少次你因为不知道如何说NO而不得不拽着及其不情愿的自己，或是累得半死的自己，或是还要赶着回办公室加班的自己……去赴那些浪费时间的约，做那些可以避免的事？

　　哎，那些直截了当的拒绝就是怎么都说不出口啊，而且还要用英语来~额……那么麻烦，还是硬着头皮答应吧……

　　但是，如果一直回避，就一直不会说NO，就要一直委屈自己和浪费时间，活活把自己给累死的节奏啊。所以，今天就来一起学学如何巧妙不伤感情地拒绝吧，真的很实用喔！

　　1. “This sounds interesting， but I have too much on my plate at the moment.”

　　“听起来很有趣，但是我现在有太多的事情要做。”

　　When you start your disagreement with a compliment： “this sounds interesting”， it makes theperson less defensive and gives you a validreason to decline “I have too much on my plate at themoment”。

　　如果你在表达异议时用赞美开头：“听起来很有趣”，会让人的心理防御降低，这时你可以用正当理由来拒绝，如“我现在有太多的事情要做。”

　　2. “I’m sorry but last time I did ___， I had a negative experience.”

　　“不好意思，上次我这样做时，我很难受。”

　　This is a life-saver for me every time I have to explain to people that I do not eat meat. Before Iwould say that I was a vegetarian， but for some reason this explanation has never worked onhospitable Italian grandmothers. They would try to feed me bacon， sausage and octopuses（yuck！） explaining it with “this is not meat” or “I just put a little in this dish”。

　　当我每次需要向他人解释我不吃肉时，这句话是我的救命稻草。在此之前，我通常说我是素食主义者，但是不知什么原因，这种解释对好客的意大利奶奶们一点儿用也没有。她们总是让我吃培根、香肠和章鱼（真难吃！），并向我解释“这不是肉”或“只放了一点点儿。”

　　Now I simply say， “I‘m sorry， but I can not eat meat. Last time I did， I had a terribleheadache.” And it works like a charm， because no one wants to hurt you on purpose.

　　现在我只是说，“不好意思，我不能吃肉。上次我吃肉时，我头疼得很厉害。” 这非常管用，因为没人想故意伤害你。

　　The focus here is not on what you want or do not want to do， but on your previous bad experience.

　　这里要注意的是，关键不在于你想要什么或不想做什么，关键在于上次你这样做很难受。

　　3. “I’d love to do this， but ____”

　　“我想这么做，但是____”。

　　This is a great way of saying that you like the idea， you are willing to help， but you just can notdo it at the moment.

　　这是一种很好的方式，说你喜欢这样做，你想去帮忙，但是你现在没法做。

　　Note：Just do not go into a lengthy justification of why you can not do it.

　　注意：不要进一步说明你为什么不能做。

　　First， it is not necessary. Time is a limited resource and when you say “yes” to one task， youhave to say “no” to other opportunities that might be more important， urgent and beneficial toyou at the moment. Second， offering a lengthy explanation makes you sound guilty andunsure， so people might push further to see if you will agree.

　　首先，没有必要。每个人的时间都是有限的，当你对一项任务说“是”的时候，你就不得不对另外的一些机遇说“不”，尽管那些机遇现在对你来说可能是更加重要、紧急或有益的。另外，进一步解释会让你有种负罪感和不确定感，人们可以进一步劝说你看你是否会同意。

　　4. “I‘m afraind I’m not the best person to help on this. But you can try X.”

　　“我不是这项任务的最佳人选。要不你们看看X行不行？”

　　If you feel that you can not contribute much to the task， have no time or lack the resources，do not beat around the bush！ Let the person know it up front. This， however， does not meanthat you can not be helpful. You can still refer the person to a lead they can follow up on.

　　如果你觉得你不能在任务中投入太多精力，没有那么多时间或缺少资源，那就不要拐弯抹角！让别人知道。这样，别人就不会觉得你没有帮忙。你可以推荐他人供他们参考。